Don't know what you got till it's gone

Do you know how when you are doing one of the most mundane things, a random friend from the past flash through your thoughts and leaves a smile on your face? That’s how I thought of D, a friend with whom I went to school and graduate college with, as I was combing my hair today. I don’t remember exactly what made me think of him, I think it was one of his comments on how my fashionably cut short hair (hey, boy cut was quite fashionable at that time, and yes, they used to call it that, then) was like “chatti kamathivachapole”*.

We became friends at a stage when I was quite awkward around boys and I was just getting used to having a easy friendship with them without any boy-girl thing interfering. And, there he was, all ready. It was during the time after school; we had just started college and it was great having a boy as a trusted friend, a confidante. It was much later that I realised they can’t always be trusted as a species and he was an exception. I really don’t remember how we became close friends or how we started; but I remember we used to talk over the phone almost every day after college and my parents who used to police most boys who called, didn’t even think twice that this boy was calling up every other day (the phone bills were a different matter altogether).

I knew all about his crushes and about the first time he got drunk and I almost told him about my big crush then, who is now my husband. I didn’t, but I guess he knew and just chose not tease us like most of my other friends did. He was the only guy whom I wouldn’t mind complimenting my dress and commenting that it would look good on the girl who was his crush at that point. I could call him and cry when people were mean to me and man, did he take care of it! He trusted me when even my closest friends had doubts. He was like a big brother, little brother and a friend all rolled into one!

Sadly, all good things come to an end and in this case we slowly drifted apart. We never stopped being friends and similar to how we started, I don’t remember how our ‘closeness’ ended. It was a beautiful friendship while it lasted, but alas, I lost it at an age when I did not have the maturity to realise the importance of such relationships.

Though I am still in touch, thanks to facebook and other technologies, the relationship cannot be the same anymore. He has grown up and changed and I don’t know the new him. I have changed too and I doubt he would know me now as he used to. Still, I treasure the relationship we had at a crucial age and cannot think of the boy I once knew with nothing but fondness!

D, I doubt you would ever read this, but if you do and recognize it is you, I would know I was as important to you as you were to me!

*Like an inverted pot

Art of Haggling

If you have ever lived in Chennai, you must have surely travelled in an Auto rickshaw at least once - unless you are an extremely rich dude/chick with a fleet of cars at your disposal. Not that you are missing anything, but you can try this once for an adventure ride or something, when you don’t have the time to fly to Disneyland.

Now, if you need to survive the daily travel in the said vehicle either you need to have Zen like patience or have skin as thick as an Elephant or Rhinoceros or whichever animal it is that has the thickest skin. Since I possess neither, I have accepted it must be my life’s objective to give away half of my earnings to the Chennai Rickshaw guys. According to these men, 90% of the roads in Chennai are ‘one-way’ roads and there is heavy traffic on the roads at all times, even at 5 am on a Sunday morning.

This got me wondering whether many of the country’s problems may be resolved if we can get these men to do our dealings. Imagine our Chennai Velu with one of the Ambanis while they are negotiating:

“Gas price has gone up”

“The deal said $2.34”

“No, due to the naval technicalities the gas from Bay of Bengal has to routed through the Arabian Sea so it will cost minimum $15”

“The deal said $2.34”

“You can either take this now at this table or the government will come in claiming the gas to be theirs and you won’t get any”

“OK, but $15 is too much I can pay maximum of $5, or let us take it to the court”

“OK, Deal! $5 it is!”

I think I might have stumbled upon an excellent idea to make money – start an Auto Rickshaw Driver’s Management school (It can be called as Muthuswamy Manickavaasagam School of Haggling Management or some such name) to train the diplomats and others the professional art of haggling! Now that would be one successful bunch of people, I say!

I see you!

Has Facebook has become too popular for our good? Facebook is a great tool which helps us keep in touch with all and sundry, ex colleagues, old school mates, seniors/juniors in college – people whom we usually find it difficult to connect with often.

I remember an incident, when my mother ran into her school buddy from her home town in the busy streets of Mumbai. It was nothing short of euphoria for them when they came to know they both have been in this city for 4-5 years, and to think they met only now! And it was through her I got to know of all about my mother’s childhood escapades and I realized where I got my freak genes from!

And then I realized this would never happen to me! People of my generation would always know where most of our friends and friends’ friends are all the time and with the ‘checking in’ thing, we have the option to know where they are at any moment of the day. (Seriously, I know a guy who checks in into each and every place he ever sets his foot in, the railway stations, gym, home - every place, every day. If I ever want to run into him by accident I would know where to go, only I can’t act surprised at having run into him. He can just say “How come it is a surprise, I just checked in here?” OK, I am digressing here; this could very well be another post.)

Moreover, when you know so-and-so is in your town and you haven’t made the effort to meet up, it gets kind of awkward when you meet by accident; there have been times, when people have asked me “How come you didn’t call, you knew we were in Chennai, right? We did update it on Facebook” I had nothing to say to them except that a phone works both ways and that too was something I came up with after they left. Yes, I can be dismal at times!

All this makes me wonder do we need to know where everybody is every time? I even know who among my friends and cousins will be there at the Metallica concert this month, if I decide to go. If only they would keep updating their exact position at the palace grounds on the D day, I can go about greeting all of them in turn and make it a family affair!

My future children wouldn’t have to try hard to find out about their mother anytime; they would just have to check my Facebook profile! And my, what they wouldn’t find there! I can only hope they would have moved on to something else and Facebook is not so cool anymore!

Woman, but not from Venus!

How long are people going to talk about how Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus? We know that already! It has been drilled in to our brains right from our teenage years. I am sure we were aware of the *ahem* differences even before, but we might not have comprehended them in these exact terms. At least I was aware, right from the day my 3rd Std teacher made me sit next to this boy who loved to play hard and came back to class sweaty and slimy after every break and thought I might enjoy getting drops of seat squirted on me. However, that doesn’t mean that all men live like pigs at home. I learnt it the hard way; I got married to someone who puts the CDs in its proper cover – and he was not thrilled when he learned bed is where I keep my towel.
I just thought I will put up this list to save men from the shocks similar to the one Chandler* got when he realised girls don’t do pillow fights in their underwear when they hang out alone (Rolling eyes).

• Women don’t like to talk and connect all the time. There are times when we like to be left alone to do whatever we want to do by ourselves. I even keep gifting the guy games which can keep him occupied most of the time and that in turn gives me the time to read my books in peace.

• All women are not scared of Lizards, cockroaches - disgusted maybe, but not scared. Yes, I might not volunteer to get rid of them from the house, mostly because it is icky, but I won’t lose sleep over a tiny lizard hiding in my bathroom, nor would I stop drinking water till it is gone. Same goes for lightning or the dark. Lightning is just a loud noise which might disrupt my movie and I really don’t mind being alone at home when the guy travels. Yes, it is nice to have the guy around and all, but I can’t help secretly liking it when I have the house all to myself once in a while - I can keep the lights on till 4 am, I can sleep cross on the bed and I can keep how much ever wet towels I want on the bed!

• When we ask for your opinion on how a dress looks on us, we usually want your honest answer. It is OK to say, it doesn’t suit us or makes our arms look fat, provided it is not unsolicited. That makes the difference, you see.

• We might lose our ways, end up at a wrong place, but we have mouths and we can always find our way back one way or the other. Who said there is only road to a destination? Anyways, that really does not mean that you can just assume that we would lose our way or get lost and not turn up at all. You can make all the jokes you want, the funny guys out there needs some food, but please do realise we WILL reach.

• We might not always take hours to get dressed. Suppose, we get tickets to a Harry Potter movie preview which starts in like half an hour - dude, we can be ready in 2 minutes or we might even come as we are. Our dressing time CAN’T be used an excuse to turn up half an hour late.

The post it getting too long. So guys, please be a dear and get enlightened and help make the world a peaceful place!

* You don’t watch Friends? Which generation do you belong to? Still in teens, eh?

Anything for a change

I have been moving around quite a bit since I was a child, courtesy dad’s bank job. My dad’s colleagues always had a tough time getting their kids to adjust to the new place, new school etc. But not my dad, he had a daughter who used to beg him to get a transfer. I have always been happy moving, and in fact I was excited to be the new girl in schools. New place, new house, new room, new views fascinated me and still do. For me it was like a makeover and you don’t get all worried about adjusting to your new hairstyle. It was as simple as that.

Even after I started working I simply couldn't do the same job at the sample place for long (my view of time). I get the itch, I start questioning myself, what am I doing here? My life’s purpose can’t be sitting here producing reports after reports; I have to be destined for something bigger (I know I read too many fairy tales). So I resign. I just up and go!

Well, one of the reasons I got married was that I could move to Chennai from Bombay. But look who I got married to, a guy who has been living in one city and studying in the same school/college from kindergarten to graduation. He did move out for post graduation and work and that’s why he is here; but loves Cochin so much, that is where he would rather be. I really love Cochin and all; but settling down? I never really get why people want to settle down. It is not about liking a place; it is like saying, I love mangoes and I am going to keep eating mangoes for the rest of my life!

So, now that I live with this guy, I just can’t up and go. So, I do the next best thing; I re-arrange the furniture; change the drapes, the bed covers, restock the fridge; change the dinner cuisine, get new books, anything to feel a change. When that doesn’t suffice, we take a trip, which is the guy’s idea of change. But visiting a new place is not the same as living in a new place.

I wanted a change from Chennai so badly that I almost agreed to move to Cochin when the guy wondered if we should send our kid, who by the way is still in our heads, in the same school he went to for fifteen years, which even I went to for some time. I could almost imagine the teacher telling my kid “You are just like your mother – always dreaming in class, pay attention” or “Stop annoying throwing things at the girls, stop behaving like your dad”. I simply can’t let our kid receive the leftover scolding from our teachers. That did it. No moving in sight. I am back to changing bed covers.

All that talk!

Congrats, it has been two years! We have managed to co exist peacefully without killing anything, breaking anything (well, not anything important). Kudos to us! Two years means it brings with it the inevitable baby talks. Well, we are not the ones talking, but we hear from all sides -from two sets of parents, their parents, parents' friends, friends' neighbors and before you know it is an epidemic. Such people should come with a statutory warning - we have baby fever and babies are all we can talk of!

It is not like we are the kind who hates children to be indifferent to all that baby talk. I know they can be adorable and that kind of makes it worse for us. It puts ideas into our heads when we are not ready. So we discuss kids, how girls are easier, boys are less trouble and what if she/he has my nose and cheeks and your colour and hair - Oh no, what would we have created. How will we give her/him the confidence and bring him/her up smart enough not to care for looks? See, what I mean - we so cannot be ready if our first thoughts are what if the baby gets our bad genes!
That's not all, we imagine wouldn't it be cute to have this kid sitting between us on the couch and playing when we have all this talk? Aww, what cuteness! But what will it do when we do not get up till 11 or 12 on a Sunday? What will it do when we are so rushed of time or just plain lazy and skip breakfast/lunch/dinner? - So NOT ready, people!
The way we are living currently, forget a baby, even a plant is not growing properly with us.
Can't you guys see, you are making us want a baby when we are not ready? And it is not even a baby that we want - it is the idea of this cute little-bundle-of-joy marketing ploy of a baby!
OK, parents/nosy relatives/friends, it's one thing to be good with kids and find them cute and it is totally another thing to have a kid of your own. I doubt I will find it to be as adorable when I do!

So I do what I usually do when I get this itch for a baby - surf maternity blogs! It doesn't take more than a few minutes of reading detailed description of labour or the aftermath of c-sections to put me off babies - at least for a while till I consider adoption. Though I have to admit, having my own baby as its advantage - who wouldn't love nine months of pampering?!

All lovey dovey

I love my dad. I love my mom. I love my sister. I love my husband. Period. I don’t need to constantly remind them of my love on father’s day mother’s day sister’s day and what not. Dude, it’s not like they don’t know the rest of the days that I love them. Yeah yeah, the crappy card companies invent days after days to keep their business running. But what about these suckers who lap it all up like starving puppies and do extravagant things. I am already having a hard time remembering people’s birthdays; please don’t add more days to it.

It always gets intolerable around Valentine’s Day time. You know it is the heights when your parents who once looked on suspiciously at the friendships day gifts you received ask you what is the plan for the day and sounds worried when you reply TV! Add to it old aunties, you get the limit.

I am not exactly the romantic type. I like dinners and I like candles, but not together. I like to see what I eat. I love candle light. I think it brings out the beauty and hides the flaws. But my food doesn't have to look pretty and I would like to be notified of the err..mm flaws, if any.

The advertising guys have so commercialised everything that extravagant anniversaries are the norm. My friend R went on a cruise, A goes for Europe trip, D got a big diamond necklace, which she promptly kept in her locker, for fear of loss. I have nothing against travel, I love going places, but at my convenience. Well, I have nothing against people celebrating; I have awww-ed at my friends too. But, forcing it on me is what I have a problem with.

My mom got seriously worried when she came to know of my anniversary plans. We had decided to do away with gifts after a few disastrous gifts to each other. I mean who uses jasmine scented perfume, unless you want to smell like a maami doing her rounds bargaining at Mylapore? Even she would prefer getting the real deal at the roadside for Rs.10. Now my mom uses it as room freshener on pooja days. So now I have discreetly given him a list in all price ranges from Snickers chocolates to Chanel No 5 (Yes, that is about as far the range goes, I am not a big fan of diamonds or cars- Isn’t S lucky?) in case he ever gets this uncontrollable urge to surprise me. Well, I have had my share of gift-disasters too, which I will conveniently save for another blog. It is my blog after all.

Coming back to my anniversary, we decided not to gift each other, but gift ourselves something which we both wanted. Off we went to Landmark and got - Ta Da - A play station! S happy me happy. We spent the whole day happily taking turns playing resident evil. So what if we missed our dinner reservations and had to eat pizza? We got to destroy zombies using super cool weapons and save mankind!

The only side effect was answering the anniversary wishers’ queries on what our exotic plans were. One aunt told my mom “This is the problem with love marriages, their love would have already faded by the time they get married” So is it OK if the love fades 2 years after marriage?

So I already have my lines prepared for next year.
To Mom – “We went to Tirupathy to offer thanks to Lord for keeping us so happy in love and to pray that our marriage remains so romantic forever!”
To friends - “We went on a road trip to Goa, where we stayed at this top secret reclusive resort which is situated atop a light house, where we had this super cool orchestra playing music especially for us and were woken up in the morning by flowers showered on us by soundless helicopters. Pictures? We can’t share the pictures silly, it is too private.” Hmm... Maybe I can persuade the guard at Marina beach light house to let me on top and take a quick picture of the sea and me and pass it off as Goa?