I love my dad. I love my mom. I love my sister. I love my husband. Period. I don’t need to constantly remind them of my love on father’s day mother’s day sister’s day and what not. Dude, it’s not like they don’t know the rest of the days that I love them. Yeah yeah, the crappy card companies invent days after days to keep their business running. But what about these suckers who lap it all up like starving puppies and do extravagant things. I am already having a hard time remembering people’s birthdays; please don’t add more days to it.
It always gets intolerable around Valentine’s Day time. You know it is the heights when your parents who once looked on suspiciously at the friendships day gifts you received ask you what is the plan for the day and sounds worried when you reply TV! Add to it old aunties, you get the limit.
I am not exactly the romantic type. I like dinners and I like candles, but not together. I like to see what I eat. I love candle light. I think it brings out the beauty and hides the flaws. But my food doesn't have to look pretty and I would like to be notified of the err..mm flaws, if any.
The advertising guys have so commercialised everything that extravagant anniversaries are the norm. My friend R went on a cruise, A goes for Europe trip, D got a big diamond necklace, which she promptly kept in her locker, for fear of loss. I have nothing against travel, I love going places, but at my convenience. Well, I have nothing against people celebrating; I have awww-ed at my friends too. But, forcing it on me is what I have a problem with.
My mom got seriously worried when she came to know of my anniversary plans. We had decided to do away with gifts after a few disastrous gifts to each other. I mean who uses jasmine scented perfume, unless you want to smell like a maami doing her rounds bargaining at Mylapore? Even she would prefer getting the real deal at the roadside for Rs.10. Now my mom uses it as room freshener on pooja days. So now I have discreetly given him a list in all price ranges from Snickers chocolates to Chanel No 5 (Yes, that is about as far the range goes, I am not a big fan of diamonds or cars- Isn’t S lucky?) in case he ever gets this uncontrollable urge to surprise me. Well, I have had my share of gift-disasters too, which I will conveniently save for another blog. It is my blog after all.
Coming back to my anniversary, we decided not to gift each other, but gift ourselves something which we both wanted. Off we went to Landmark and got - Ta Da - A play station! S happy me happy. We spent the whole day happily taking turns playing resident evil. So what if we missed our dinner reservations and had to eat pizza? We got to destroy zombies using super cool weapons and save mankind!
The only side effect was answering the anniversary wishers’ queries on what our exotic plans were. One aunt told my mom “This is the problem with love marriages, their love would have already faded by the time they get married” So is it OK if the love fades 2 years after marriage?
So I already have my lines prepared for next year.
To Mom – “We went to Tirupathy to offer thanks to Lord for keeping us so happy in love and to pray that our marriage remains so romantic forever!”
To friends - “We went on a road trip to Goa, where we stayed at this top secret reclusive resort which is situated atop a light house, where we had this super cool orchestra playing music especially for us and were woken up in the morning by flowers showered on us by soundless helicopters. Pictures? We can’t share the pictures silly, it is too private.” Hmm... Maybe I can persuade the guard at Marina beach light house to let me on top and take a quick picture of the sea and me and pass it off as Goa?
Friday, October 29, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
Mumbo Jumbo Chimpo
One of the most irritating things about the corporate culture is the jargons some people use. They seem to think somehow using the words ‘actionable’ and ‘incorporate’ or some other pompous word is supposed to make people take them seriously and what I find worse, people reacting to it as if they were Moses listening to God. Maybe it is just me. You must be speaking a language they secretly train all MBA students. I must have bunked the class or slept off when they taught that one, because it sounds as strange to me as Greek. If you are anyways going to speak a foreign language, I prefer Greek than what you speak now, as Greek is so much cooler. Or even better, can you give the presentation in Italian? Wow, you would definitely have all my attention as I always wanted to learn Italian, and this could be a great start for that!
Here are a few of corporate jargons I have heard at my workplaces, some of them would have been real funny if it weren’t so annoying!
So N, what are you bringing to the table? Me: Oh, that would depend on what you are bringing to the table, I am not a big fan of eating with hands in front of others unless it is a yumm south Indian lunch served in banana leaves, so I have to choose what I bring to the table (the right cutlery, I don’t want to end up eating noodles with a spoon) depending on what you are bringing to the table. Thanks. I hope you were not expecting me to cook something and bring to the table!
Centres of excellence – I honestly have no clue what that means and not even enough to trigger my imagination. This is what you should consider translating to Italian.
N, let us close the loop on that one! Me: Errmm, I am sorry I don’t knit. In my defence it was not mentioned in the job profile, or I would have told you so much earlier!
Deliverables – sheesh, these just bring to my mind pictures of women in labour rooms! Italian, Greek, French, nothing can save this term. It should be abolished with immediate effect!
Be Proactive, not reactive! - Don’t worry, I won’t react to whatever you are saying right now, one needs to comprehend something to react - you got half of what you wanted. Good job!
Cultivate – Excuse me, my mind is NOT some fresh patch of soil or your Facebook farm for cultivating funny habits or culture or any other form of behaviour. In case you refuse to believe so, consider me an active volcanic land, which can’t be used for any form of cultivation!
Push the envelope – Oh, I didn’t realise I was recruited for the mail man’s post!
Touch base – You must be a wannabe American type. I love to be Indian and so I don’t follow baseball.
Core Competencies – Grrr... Thats enough!
So Thesaurus Dude, when you do this you remind me of one episode from Friends, when Joey wants to write something good about his friends Chandler and Monica and writes “they are humid prepossessing Homo Sapiens with full sized aortic pumps” for “they are warm, nice, people with big hearts”. Well, Joey was good looking so he could get away with it. Even good looks can’t save you, Mr. Dumb pretending to be smart!
Here are a few of corporate jargons I have heard at my workplaces, some of them would have been real funny if it weren’t so annoying!
So N, what are you bringing to the table? Me: Oh, that would depend on what you are bringing to the table, I am not a big fan of eating with hands in front of others unless it is a yumm south Indian lunch served in banana leaves, so I have to choose what I bring to the table (the right cutlery, I don’t want to end up eating noodles with a spoon) depending on what you are bringing to the table. Thanks. I hope you were not expecting me to cook something and bring to the table!
Centres of excellence – I honestly have no clue what that means and not even enough to trigger my imagination. This is what you should consider translating to Italian.
N, let us close the loop on that one! Me: Errmm, I am sorry I don’t knit. In my defence it was not mentioned in the job profile, or I would have told you so much earlier!
Deliverables – sheesh, these just bring to my mind pictures of women in labour rooms! Italian, Greek, French, nothing can save this term. It should be abolished with immediate effect!
Be Proactive, not reactive! - Don’t worry, I won’t react to whatever you are saying right now, one needs to comprehend something to react - you got half of what you wanted. Good job!
Cultivate – Excuse me, my mind is NOT some fresh patch of soil or your Facebook farm for cultivating funny habits or culture or any other form of behaviour. In case you refuse to believe so, consider me an active volcanic land, which can’t be used for any form of cultivation!
Push the envelope – Oh, I didn’t realise I was recruited for the mail man’s post!
Touch base – You must be a wannabe American type. I love to be Indian and so I don’t follow baseball.
Core Competencies – Grrr... Thats enough!
So Thesaurus Dude, when you do this you remind me of one episode from Friends, when Joey wants to write something good about his friends Chandler and Monica and writes “they are humid prepossessing Homo Sapiens with full sized aortic pumps” for “they are warm, nice, people with big hearts”. Well, Joey was good looking so he could get away with it. Even good looks can’t save you, Mr. Dumb pretending to be smart!
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Chennai Chronicles
For somebody who has been shifting houses all my life(Not in the fun way, Dad is a banker you see!), shifting from Mumbai to Chennai did not seem that big a deal. Especially after a few fun filled adrenaline high weekend getaways to visit my then-boyfriend-now husband guy. Alas, only now I realise they were all part of this then-boyfriend-now husband guy's elaborate plan to lure a poor li'l happy girl to this stupendously(my fav calvin word) pretentious place. The poor li'l happy girl (obviously, me!) never realised that she never spent a more than a few hours in Chennai, that too at night, and that she was always whisked away to Yercaud or fun Mahabalipuram beach resorts. Obviously some one knew I was a sucker for beaches - not the Juhu beach kind, more like the serene Kerala beaches. Beaches had a way of making me feel free and always left me high (consider the savings on alcohol :P). Beaches, I will save for another blog.
Anyways, here I was after my wedding - thoroughly bored and clueless in the midst of nosey neighbours. Add to it rude loud richskaw guys with over priced rides, scorching heat, ridiculous traffic and more importantly, no good pani puris! why God, WHY?! Being jobless, which invariably meant no income, didn't help either!
Slowly I learnt to haggle smart, got an AC and started making my own pani puris (now i am quite good, if I can say so myself)! Life, though not a party, was not so bad anymore. Right now, I have a funny relationship with this city - I neither hate it nor love it. I definitely DON'T want to stay here forever, but I'll miss this place when I leave.
Here are a few things which sums up Chennai for me -
1. Marina Beach - the cut mangoes coated with salt and chilli powder - YUM!
2. Satyam Theatres - my first 3D movie experience and where we spend half of our salary
3. Oxford Bookstore - the super friendly staff there let me sit there all day long and ensure constant supplies of coffee and blueberry muffins, while I read book after book.
4. Murugan Idli Shop - the only place where I don't mind eating idlis. Mom still does not take this kindly.
5. Mahabalipuram - this place is a sigh!
6. Amethyst - one cant actually describe this place. Let me just say, I can spend hours here.
7.Haggling talkative rickshaw guys- Once you learn how to deal with them, they are bearable too.
8. Sangeetha's - our second kitchen. We should get frequent-eater privileges here!
9. Havana, Raintree - unexpected surprise.
10. Veeramma :) - my sweet heart old maid who makes sure the lazy me doesn't do any work at home. At her age, she has much more stamina than I can ever have in my life. whew!
11. Filter Kaapi - need I say more?
Anyways, here I was after my wedding - thoroughly bored and clueless in the midst of nosey neighbours. Add to it rude loud richskaw guys with over priced rides, scorching heat, ridiculous traffic and more importantly, no good pani puris! why God, WHY?! Being jobless, which invariably meant no income, didn't help either!
Slowly I learnt to haggle smart, got an AC and started making my own pani puris (now i am quite good, if I can say so myself)! Life, though not a party, was not so bad anymore. Right now, I have a funny relationship with this city - I neither hate it nor love it. I definitely DON'T want to stay here forever, but I'll miss this place when I leave.
Here are a few things which sums up Chennai for me -
1. Marina Beach - the cut mangoes coated with salt and chilli powder - YUM!
2. Satyam Theatres - my first 3D movie experience and where we spend half of our salary
3. Oxford Bookstore - the super friendly staff there let me sit there all day long and ensure constant supplies of coffee and blueberry muffins, while I read book after book.
4. Murugan Idli Shop - the only place where I don't mind eating idlis. Mom still does not take this kindly.
5. Mahabalipuram - this place is a sigh!
6. Amethyst - one cant actually describe this place. Let me just say, I can spend hours here.
7.Haggling talkative rickshaw guys- Once you learn how to deal with them, they are bearable too.
8. Sangeetha's - our second kitchen. We should get frequent-eater privileges here!
9. Havana, Raintree - unexpected surprise.
10. Veeramma :) - my sweet heart old maid who makes sure the lazy me doesn't do any work at home. At her age, she has much more stamina than I can ever have in my life. whew!
11. Filter Kaapi - need I say more?
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